this probably won’t make a lick of sense, so you might as well not read it.

you know it’s going to be a bad day when you find yourself up all night thinking too hard on crap that depresses you because you were already dreading the day anyway. i made the mistake of getting that holiday coffee again. you know the one. it kept me up all night a couple of weeks ago. only that time i was in a goofy, silly mood. not so tonight.

part of the problem is, we have to go to a family function today. if you’ve known me for any length of time, you know how much i hate family functions. let me explain. i am the black sheep of my family. my mom’s side of the family. you’ve read all this before, you can skip it. anyway, my mother had the audacity to divorce her first husband and marry my dad. my dad who is 22 years older than her. who had already been married twice and had two kids. who had been my mom’s boss when they met. you know, for the sixties it was still pretty scandalous.

i’ve always felt like an outsider around these people. i think that my uncle’s wife and one of my aunts have harboured some jealousies towards my mom because she was always one of the pretty and popular girls in school. she was a cheerleader. she dated the captain of the football team and they married not long after high school. so after shocking the family with a divorce and subsequent marriage to someone everyone felt was inappropriate, i’m sure there was a lot of gloating. then i came along and it seemed like any opportunity to put me in my place, embarrass me, or generally just make me feel left out, was pounced upon. not that it wasn’t subtle, but it was definitely there. i felt every jab when politely worded barbs were thrown in my direction. i didn’t understand it at first. i knew i was being excluded a lot of the time, but i didn’t know why.

anyway, today is my grandmother’s 90th birthday. i can’t get out of going to the party that’s being thrown. i keep wondering if subconsciously that’s why i’ve been sick for so long, because i’m hoping my mother will say that i shouldn’t come. but she hasn’t said that. damn it. no, i have to go. i have to take my kids, too. and i will have to sit around and wonder what the hell to talk about with a bunch of people that i have nothing in common with other than a shared bloodline. hoping that i or my kids don’t embarrass my mother too much. or disappoint her. she’d never admit to feeling either, at least to me, but the fact that she makes up stories to the rest of the family so that i will look good must mean something.

as much as i dislike winter and all that it entails, i hope you all join me in wishing that the weather is just as bad, if not worse than they are predicting today so that we won’t have to stay long at the party. make an appearance, have a little lunch, then make our apologies because the weather is bad and we have to get home. what a shame, we were so looking forward to this. kiss-kiss, hug-hug, fake smile and then rush out of there as fast as we can.

so of course this means that we will have clear and sunny weather all day. *sigh*

this probably won’t make a lick of sense, so you might as well not read it.

you know it’s going to be a bad day when you find yourself up all night thinking too hard on crap that depresses you because you were already dreading the day anyway. i made the mistake of getting that holiday coffee again. you know the one. it kept me up all night a couple of weeks ago. only that time i was in a goofy, silly mood. not so tonight.

part of the problem is, we have to go to a family function today. if you’ve known me for any length of time, you know how much i hate family functions. let me explain. i am the black sheep of my family. my mom’s side of the family. you’ve read all this before, you can skip it. anyway, my mother had the audacity to divorce her first husband and marry my dad. my dad who is 22 years older than her. who had already been married twice and had two kids. who had been my mom’s boss when they met. you know, for the sixties it was still pretty scandalous.

i’ve always felt like an outsider around these people. i think that my uncle’s wife and one of my aunts have harboured some jealousies towards my mom because she was always one of the pretty and popular girls in school. she was a cheerleader. she dated the captain of the football team and they married not long after high school. so after shocking the family with a divorce and subsequent marriage to someone everyone felt was inappropriate, i’m sure there was a lot of gloating. then i came along and it seemed like any opportunity to put me in my place, embarrass me, or generally just make me feel left out, was pounced upon. not that it wasn’t subtle, but it was definitely there. i felt every jab when politely worded barbs were thrown in my direction. i didn’t understand it at first. i knew i was being excluded a lot of the time, but i didn’t know why.

anyway, today is my grandmother’s 90th birthday. i can’t get out of going to the party that’s being thrown. i keep wondering if subconsciously that’s why i’ve been sick for so long, because i’m hoping my mother will say that i shouldn’t come. but she hasn’t said that. damn it. no, i have to go. i have to take my kids, too. and i will have to sit around and wonder what the hell to talk about with a bunch of people that i have nothing in common with other than a shared bloodline. hoping that i or my kids don’t embarrass my mother too much. or disappoint her. she’d never admit to feeling either, at least to me, but the fact that she makes up stories to the rest of the family so that i will look good must mean something.

as much as i dislike winter and all that it entails, i hope you all join me in wishing that the weather is just as bad, if not worse than they are predicting today so that we won’t have to stay long at the party. make an appearance, have a little lunch, then make our apologies because the weather is bad and we have to get home. what a shame, we were so looking forward to this. kiss-kiss, hug-hug, fake smile and then rush out of there as fast as we can.

so of course this means that we will have clear and sunny weather all day. *sigh*

this probably won’t make a lick of sense, so you might as well not read it.

you know it’s going to be a bad day when you find yourself up all night thinking too hard on crap that depresses you because you were already dreading the day anyway. i made the mistake of getting that holiday coffee again. you know the one. it kept me up all night a couple of weeks ago. only that time i was in a goofy, silly mood. not so tonight.

part of the problem is, we have to go to a family function today. if you’ve known me for any length of time, you know how much i hate family functions. let me explain. i am the black sheep of my family. my mom’s side of the family. you’ve read all this before, you can skip it. anyway, my mother had the audacity to divorce her first husband and marry my dad. my dad who is 22 years older than her. who had already been married twice and had two kids. who had been my mom’s boss when they met. you know, for the sixties it was still pretty scandalous.

i’ve always felt like an outsider around these people. i think that my uncle’s wife and one of my aunts have harboured some jealousies towards my mom because she was always one of the pretty and popular girls in school. she was a cheerleader. she dated the captain of the football team and they married not long after high school. so after shocking the family with a divorce and subsequent marriage to someone everyone felt was inappropriate, i’m sure there was a lot of gloating. then i came along and it seemed like any opportunity to put me in my place, embarrass me, or generally just make me feel left out, was pounced upon. not that it wasn’t subtle, but it was definitely there. i felt every jab when politely worded barbs were thrown in my direction. i didn’t understand it at first. i knew i was being excluded a lot of the time, but i didn’t know why.

anyway, today is my grandmother’s 90th birthday. i can’t get out of going to the party that’s being thrown. i keep wondering if subconsciously that’s why i’ve been sick for so long, because i’m hoping my mother will say that i shouldn’t come. but she hasn’t said that. damn it. no, i have to go. i have to take my kids, too. and i will have to sit around and wonder what the hell to talk about with a bunch of people that i have nothing in common with other than a shared bloodline. hoping that i or my kids don’t embarrass my mother too much. or disappoint her. she’d never admit to feeling either, at least to me, but the fact that she makes up stories to the rest of the family so that i will look good must mean something.

as much as i dislike winter and all that it entails, i hope you all join me in wishing that the weather is just as bad, if not worse than they are predicting today so that we won’t have to stay long at the party. make an appearance, have a little lunch, then make our apologies because the weather is bad and we have to get home. what a shame, we were so looking forward to this. kiss-kiss, hug-hug, fake smile and then rush out of there as fast as we can.

so of course this means that we will have clear and sunny weather all day. *sigh*

>this probably won’t make a lick of sense, so you might as well not read it.

>you know it’s going to be a bad day when you find yourself up all night thinking too hard on crap that depresses you because you were already dreading the day anyway. i made the mistake of getting that holiday coffee again. you know the one. it kept me up all night a couple of weeks ago. only that time i was in a goofy, silly mood. not so tonight.

part of the problem is, we have to go to a family function today. if you’ve known me for any length of time, you know how much i hate family functions. let me explain. i am the black sheep of my family. my mom’s side of the family. you’ve read all this before, you can skip it. anyway, my mother had the audacity to divorce her first husband and marry my dad. my dad who is 22 years older than her. who had already been married twice and had two kids. who had been my mom’s boss when they met. you know, for the sixties it was still pretty scandalous.

i’ve always felt like an outsider around these people. i think that my uncle’s wife and one of my aunts have harboured some jealousies towards my mom because she was always one of the pretty and popular girls in school. she was a cheerleader. she dated the captain of the football team and they married not long after high school. so after shocking the family with a divorce and subsequent marriage to someone everyone felt was inappropriate, i’m sure there was a lot of gloating. then i came along and it seemed like any opportunity to put me in my place, embarrass me, or generally just make me feel left out, was pounced upon. not that it wasn’t subtle, but it was definitely there. i felt every jab when politely worded barbs were thrown in my direction. i didn’t understand it at first. i knew i was being excluded a lot of the time, but i didn’t know why.

anyway, today is my grandmother’s 90th birthday. i can’t get out of going to the party that’s being thrown. i keep wondering if subconsciously that’s why i’ve been sick for so long, because i’m hoping my mother will say that i shouldn’t come. but she hasn’t said that. damn it. no, i have to go. i have to take my kids, too. and i will have to sit around and wonder what the hell to talk about with a bunch of people that i have nothing in common with other than a shared bloodline. hoping that i or my kids don’t embarrass my mother too much. or disappoint her. she’d never admit to feeling either, at least to me, but the fact that she makes up stories to the rest of the family so that i will look good must mean something.

as much as i dislike winter and all that it entails, i hope you all join me in wishing that the weather is just as bad, if not worse than they are predicting today so that we won’t have to stay long at the party. make an appearance, have a little lunch, then make our apologies because the weather is bad and we have to get home. what a shame, we were so looking forward to this. kiss-kiss, hug-hug, fake smile and then rush out of there as fast as we can.

so of course this means that we will have clear and sunny weather all day. *sigh*