Me: Oh my God, I think I have the flu!
Body: Oh, heh, yeah, that’s just me, you know….
Me: No, seriously, I’m achy all over, chills, I feel like death.
Body: Nope, sorry, it’s just that time of the month.
Me: Are you freaking kidding me?! I’ve never, ever felt this bad before. I’m pretty sure this has to be the flu.
Body: I don’t know what to tell you.
Body: You are 43, you know.
Me: Shut up, bitch.